The S Word by Kari Johnson

In this day and age, unfortunately, our kids are bombarded by images, enticements, information, and misinformation about sex from a very early age. Friends tell them what “French-kissing” is, and they come home and ask about it—in Kindergarten! By the time they reach fourth or fifth grade, some “overeducated” child in their class has told them what it means to “make out.” It’s scary.

Unfortunately, we can’t keep our children from encountering this stuff. That would require locking them in a fortress, away from all other children, and preventing all contact with the outside world until they were eighteen. We all know that the probable results of that would be that, upon entrance to that world, they’d either be complete misfits or we’d end up seeing them on “Girls Gone Wild.”

But I digress. As I was saying, kids learn a lot about sex at a very early age. So, we’re supposed to talk to them about it, and be “open” and “honest.” How the heck do we do that? Well, it’s not easy. Let me use my now 10-year-old daughter, a fairly precocious only child, as an example. I’m a big believer in open lines of communication. How else can we teach kids our beliefs and morals, besides TALKING about them? I’ve always encouraged her to ask me about anything she wants to know. Sometimes, I wonder why…

When she was three, she figured out how babies get out of Mommy’s tummy. We had a cat that was VERY pregnant, and so if you felt her belly, you could feel the babies moving. My daughter was rubbing Sally’s belly, and she looked at me and asked how the babies were going to get out. So I, being very wise (so I thought), told her, “God makes a special way for babies to get out of their mommies’ tummies.” End of story, right? Ha! My daughter sat, rubbing on and looking at the cat, for about five minutes. Then she asked, “Do they come out her po-po?” My reply, after I quit choking, was a simple yes. Short and sweet. Please, no more questions. Ha! The next one was, “Did I come out of yours?” Oh Lord. Another short and sweet yes. Have mercy, please. “Does it hurt?” she then asked, while pointedly looking at my crotch. Well, this time, after another short and sweet yes, I had sense enough to leave the room.

Well, if that was as bad as it got, it’d be fine. It gets worse as they get older. Eventually, and way before you explain it to them, they gain an understanding of the act of sex (apparently, that’s another lecture in Playground 101). Then, they learn that sex makes babies. Then, because you’ve told them a zillion times that you don’t have sex until you’re married, they think to ask you why ol’ so-and-so next door has a baby but doesn’t have a husband, only a live-in boyfriend. Or why the neighbor’s daughter, who’s too young to get married, is clearly pregnant. Try to explain that one.

The best recent conversation I have had started out like this: I was driving down the highway, 70 miles per hour, when my daughter suddenly blurted out, “You know how sex makes babies?” I veered back out of the bar ditch and very calmly said, “Uh huh.” Oh no, here we go…”Well,” she asked, “does it always make babies, or is there a way that it sometimes doesn’t.” Oh, okay, some little boy on the playground was talking about condoms. However, we’re 10 years old here, so I’m NOT going there at this point. “Nope,” I replied, “If you don’t want to have a baby, you don’t have sex.” It got quiet for a long time. Not good. She got a little smile, almost a smirk, on her face and said, “So, you’ve only done that once?”

At that point, we were in the Wal-Mart parking lot. The good Lord, knowing that I would not have an intelligent, appropriate response to that question, saw fit to show me an empty parking space right in front of my eyes. We pulled in, got out, and went shopping. Conversation effectively avoided (until next time). Thank God for small miracles.

Seriously, though, sex is one of the most uncomfortable (and just downright embarrassing and horrible) things to talk to your kids about. It’s not easy to bring stuff up, and it’s not easy to realize that though you thought you were bringing up something new, your child “already knew that, Mom.” It’s not easy explaining that sex is a beautiful, loving act created by God, to be reserved for the sanctity of marriage, intended as a way to both create a family and to bond with your soul mate. It’s just not easy, period. Not in the world we live in…

I have decided to just stock up on Kleenexes (for all the tears I’m undoubtedly going to shed), paper bags (for all the times I will hyperventilate), and perhaps a straightjacket and some crayons. Seriously, though, I’m hoping that if I keep my wits about me, keep a sense of humor, and pray a LOT, my daughter and I will both make it through her teen years alive. I’m not quite as sure about the fates of her future boyfriends…